PieFed‘It smelled of onions and mustard,’ Border Patrol officer hit by sandwich in DC testifies
submitted by
CubitOomwww.cnn.com/2025/11/04/politics/sandwich-throwe…
“He did it. He threw the sandwich.”
That’s how the defense counsel for Sean Dunn, the man who threw a sub-style sandwich at a Border Patrol officer in Washington, DC, this summer began the federal trial against him Tuesday morning.
I hope the people around him never let him live a minute without being reminded about what a weak little boy he is for whining about taking a soft, succulent sub to the shoulder.
Navy should give him a medal for surviving the first sub attack on US soil.
The Cunt for Red October.
There were 3 submarine attacks on the US in 1942.
Damned historical accuracy getting in the way of a decent joke
…first this century?
those were technically hoagies
Acshully U-Boats.
Shit. Bread October…it was right there…
The injury was to the ego and authority - of the entire apparatus, not one man. They’re all anxious to bring retribution and remind everyone that the enforcer class is above them and demands your cowering deference.
That’s a really good point. I hope he gets a medal for injury in the line of duty with a big, televised ceremony and lots of sandwich puns.
Kinda gives new meaning to the term “war hero”.
I cannot believe we’re wasting taxpayer dollars on a ballistic hoagie attack.
Assault with a deli weapon
Top-tier pun!
intercontinental ballistic mayonaisse
…take my upvote…
I’m sure we all know the phrase that a prosecutor could get a grand jury to “indict a ham sandwich”. It took prosecutors THREE Grand Juries to finally get an indictment for someone throwing that sandwich.
It’s all a complete waste of time and taxpayer funds, and in any other point in history these prosecutors would have been fired immediately for incompetence at even considering an indictment in the first place, not even considering the possibility that they would try for three attempts.
They never got the indictment. The prosecutor had to downgrade the charges from a felony to a misdemeanor, which doesn’t have to go before a grand jury.
I didn’t even realize that, last I had heard was them putting it before the third jury, and then that there was going to be a trial.
if a grand jury won’t indict, doesn’t double jeopardy apply? not a lawyer, just haven’t dealt with this part of the process before
A grand jury is a sort of sanity check on a charge, and does not count towards the trial. It is basically “with these facts (provided only by the prosecution), is there enough probable cause to move a case to trial?”. Double jeopardy in the 5th amendment has specific protections from going to trial multiple times or from getting multiple punishments for a crime.
Actually, it’s even stupider than that I’m pretty sure, two grand juries refused to give them an indictment for a felony charge, so they brought a way less severe misdemeanor charge because you don’t have to get a grand jury to sign off on those, and that’s what we’re wasting this time on
“ballistic submarine missile” was right there
D’oh!
torpedos away
ICE agents prefer Grinder
Haha being gay is bad amirite
It’s not being gay, it’s being a bunch of hypocrites about being gay that deserves the ridicule
No, every representation of human sexuality can be beautiful (with consent that is). Just wordplay with one of the multiple terms for sub, hero, blimp, torpedo and yes, grinder.
I hope a news outlet has the boldness to run this story after one showing DHS brutality, including the taxpayer costs, and before one about SNAP, healthcare and the shutdown. This administration is well past the point of pissing on Americans while telling them it’s raining.
Dear Lord don’t you know this will lead to ICBMs! Intercontinental ballistic meatballs are nothing to be trifled with. Next they’ll add mozzarella to them
Band name
It’s just a shame it wasn’t a lead sandwich traveling at 1500 fps
If it makes you feel any better, because of the shutdown, we aren’t spending money on this. \s
I hope the jury are all served sub sandwiches for lunch each day of this trail.
With extra onions and mustard
A salt and buttery with a weapon for mass consumption.
Their were buying yellow cake!
Even if it is, this is a job for jury nullification.
I see that sense is, ever so slowly, being restored.
That sandwich did not explode. It flopped limply against his chest just as you would expect a sub from Subway to do.
People are all ACAB but when you hear about the horrors these cops have to face, it makes you think. Could you handle the smell of onions and mustard? Would it make you hungry? What if there were no donuts in the area?
New ICE patches: “Don’t bread on me”
Tired: Cat Breading
Wired: Ice Breading
Pulls the string on an ice agent toy: “help, officer down, we’re drowning in mustard, requesting backup and my mom!”
Video clearly shows that the sandwich was fully wrapped. Why do they need to lie?
Because conservatives are fucking snowflakes.
Seriously, it was a fucking sandwich. Pick it up and eat it or something you miserable excuse for a person. God damn.
Yeah maybe he was trying to share his dinner. Or play foot
balllongUS catches up - abot 10 years ago, a riot cop in Russia became a victim of an empty paper cup throwing. It was qualified as assault, btw.
/c/yestheonion
Or at least AN onion
I relish this joke.
“The bun was a bit dry and that was more than I could take!”, said the frightened man in army gear.
PTSD - Post Thrown Sandwich Disorder
Crusty Italian shrapnel wounds -Where is his Purple Heart?
the horror…the horror….
Pussy
No, onions and mustard.
yes, just like the man said.
GET OUT OF MY SWAMP, ICE
The crazy part is i read that in the right voice from the start.
sane of you, not cray <3
Poor little pissy pants, must be so hard to be a traitor when you smell like onions and mustard.
cunt got to testify about a fucking blt, and humans are being wholesale sold to prisons
fuck this cuntry. America is dead
No. Remember that they could not get this through a grand jury. The Grand Juries are practicing Nullification for these incidents because the public is sick of Trump and ICE. They had to go with a lesser charge for it … and this one stupid case will likely end this prosecutors career.
I don’t know if I would call it nullification, I think the prosecutor just really overstepped with trumped up charges.The fact they got a case at all says that people were still willing to allow a case.Edit: I was wrong, apparently they dropped it down to a misdemeanor so they didn’t need to get it past a grand jury.
Yes, a “no true bill” is where a grand jury does not have the 12 votes needed and is rare. It is said a grand jury could indict a ham sandwich.
I do not know if this was a ham sandwich thrown, but there have been 8 “no true bill” votes in DC during Trumps shenanigans.
That is saying something.
Waste of a sandwich
It was a run-by sandwiching by a fleet-footed foot-long fling-er.
To be fair, the sandwich was loaded.
Lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheese, cucumber, onion, spinach, mushrooms, olives, bell peppers…
Fuck I want that sandwich inside me!
There is currently no limit on the amount of times the submarine sandwich can be deployed…as a breadly weapon.
Obviously the border patrol bootlicker isn’t accounting for his own scent which smells like pigshit.
A lot of us dream of using a submarine to attack our enemies. This isn’t exactly what I meant.
The torpedo of truth
Freedom Footlong
McPTSD
PTSBLT
it smelt like freedom
Well, it was assault. Hilarious assault is still assault. As the victim, I’d be too humiliated to press charges.
If there’s no harm there’s no assault.
We’re both wrong. “Battery” is the what the charge should be. Any unwanted and “violent” touching is battery (jurisdictions vary wildly of course). “Assault” is me telling you I’m going to beat your ass. Can’t believe I mixed those up. 🙄
In any case, the notion of harm is a factor, but no harm has to occur to be charged. SOURCE: Spent the weekend in jail for admitting to pushing my wife. Battery. Got off, but still, had to spend 2-days with a bunch of animals.
Never speak to the cops!
Assault and battery mean whatever the local law defines it as. There are several us states that don’t have battery charges, everything from threats to the actual violence is all under assault.
There was a similar case in Russia in 2019 when a guy threw an empty paper cup in a direction of a police line at a protest, and got arrested and was tried for it. Ultimately he was set free, 2019 was very nice time for Russia, comparatively. Will see how American justice system compares.
meanwhile, there’s another, actually important trial happening that is describing horrific conditions of ice detention.
I’d argue 1st Amendment rights and the weaponization of the legal system are also important.
Are you talking about this trial right?
Judge calls alleged conditions at Chicago-area immigration site ‘disgusting’
We need to stay aware of how this and similar trials unfold around the country.
that’s totally fair. i suppose i meant that this trial should not need to exist because the sandwich debacle should not be any different than someone yelling at them–a simple non violent protest.
and yes, that’s the other trial I’m referring to.
This failed as an assault at the grand jury level, so they had to bring out a weak ass lesser charge.
Won’t you think of the laundry bill damnit!!
Aww diddums
im still upset he wasted a nice good panino on this scum.
No way, was it a BORF sandwich?
Bacon, onions, radish, and french mustard